Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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