You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
