I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
