My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
