I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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