The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
