it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
