I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
