I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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