I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
