2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He better not be in your backpack
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
