he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
