I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
