my sisters under your porch take her home
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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