u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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