Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
