I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
