What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
