no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
