i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
