Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
tell me about the fingering
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