I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yo dont text me then not text me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
