I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
