I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
