When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
