i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
