yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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