how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
