i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So vagazzling was a success
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
