There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
