as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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