Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
