My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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