every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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