hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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