Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
