Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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