I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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