it hurts more in the daytime
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
