If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
