sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
