Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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