lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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