i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
50% drunk capacity currently
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
