No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
