I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will be naked everywhere
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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