just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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