You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
