That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
