I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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